Link is blonde Or is he?
by Black Triforce
Summary: Don't ask about title. Link's blonde. Right? Maybe... Maybe... NOT! Ganondorf finds the truth! Read and review this is my first nonscript form story.
1. Wait, Link's not blonde?

Black Triforce: Ok. This is my first non-script form humor story for the Zelda section so... take pity! Anyway, I would like to dedicate this story to all of the idiots at my school who couldn't understand Link's hair color. Thanks for the inspiration crapheads.

Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own anything. Well, I do own a cool Legend of Zelda t-shirt but I don't think that counts...

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Link stood triumphantly over Ganondorf. After minutes of playing volleyball with evil energy, Link finally hit him enough times to defeat him.

"Take that Ganon_dork_!" Link yelled as he proceeded to kick Ganon in the head. "Who's big and scary now?"

Ganondorf frowned. _'Geez. He doesn't have to rub it in so much...'_ Suddenly, as Link stood laughing and Ganon sat pouting, a blonde flake landed on his large nose.

Ganondorf blinked and crossed his eyes to see what had landed on his nose. "Huh?" Ganondorf carefully picked the flake up.

_'There's something familiar about this thing. But what?' _pondered Ganondorf. He looked at the flake, then at Link, then at the flake, and then at Link again. Finally, something in his head clicked.

"Hey Link, you're blonde right?"

Link stopped laughing and cringed slightly. "Umm... yeah,"

"So... then this flake is yours then. Right?" Ganondorf asked holding the blonde flake up so Link could see it.

Link cringed again and said softly, "Of...of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Oh. Then is **that one** yours?"

A confused look appeared on Link's face. "What do you mean 'Then is **that one** yours?'"

Ganondorf sighed. "I mean is one of the ones on the ground yours."

Link's confused look turned into a surprised, worried look. "On the... ground?" Link looked down to see hundreds of little blonde flakes lying at his feet.

"Hey Link?"

"What?!" Link was too concerned about the flakes to care about what Ganondorf wanted.

"What's wrong with your head?"

"What's wrong with my..." Link stopped mid sentence because he had looked up only to find that half of his usually blonde hair was now a mud colored brown.

"What's going on?!" Link screamed as he ran around in little circles. "The label on the box said this stuff was permanent!"

Once again, something in Ganondorf's head clicked. (A/N- yay for slowness.) "Wait... aren't you a natural blonde Link?"

Link stopped pounding himself in the head; his hair was now completely brown, and nodded quickly.

"Yes, wait... not really... no."

Inside Ganon's head, the little mouse that ran on it's wheel started to run faster, then it stopped causing it to get caught on the wheel, the wheel spun for a few times and then stopped. The mouse... then died.

"So what you're telling me is... you hair is dyed?"

Link hung his head in shame. "Yes..."

Ganondorf's eyes got wide. "Ooooooohhhhhh...... That explains a lot."

Link picked his head up. "What does it explain?"

"Absolutely... nothing. Anywho, why did you dye your hair in the first place?"

Link looked off into space as cheesy flashback effects and music began. "Well, it all started when I was..."

Ganondorf sat down and looked at Link expectantly.

"Wait, wait, wait," The effects and music stopped. "Why should I tell you?"

Ganondorf pondered this. "Umm... because I've been giving something to do?"

Link rolled eyes. "Oh yes, you've ruined my life and made me find out the hard way that my family is dead. Or... at least I think so..."

Ganondorf wasn't listening. "Blah, blah, blah... JUST TELL ME ALREADY!"

"Fine then. Just stop yelling."

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Black Triforce: Well how was the first part? REVIEW AND TELL ME! The origins of Link's blondeness will be revealed if you do! So... hurry. Press the blue button in the corner and GET STARTED! Thank you. (runs off to write the rest)


	2. Origins: The Search for Hair Dye

Black Triforce: I'm back with the next chapter! Before I say anything else, time to answer reviews.

headsuphorses- Thanks for reading Baby-Sitting job of Doom before it got deleted. Apparently, you were too lazy to review.

To lots of other reviewers- I didn't know that there are two different ways to spell blond(e). I also didn't know it that one was feminine and the other was masculine. But I'm still going to use 'blonde' because I thought about it, and it fits this chapter. Sort of...

Disclaimer: (sighs) No, I don't own anything. Why would you think I did? Have you been sniffing Sharpies?

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Young Link sat in front of his mirror. His reflection frowned back at him. He sighed and tried to blow his mud colored bangs out of his face. But the bangs only floated back in his face.

"Stupid bangs..." Saria then popped her head and yelled, "Hey Link!" causing him to fall off his chair with a loud thud.

"Umm, did I come at a bad time?" Saria had noticed that Link was twitching slightly.

"No... Not. At. All." Link got up and started to brush himself off when an annoying voice shot through the tree house.

"Hey Saria! Why are you hanging out with mud head? He's doesn't have a fairy either! He's a LOSER!" It was Mido. The red-haired, path to the Great Deku Tree guarding jerk wad. He constantly picked on Link because he had no fairy and because he had brown hair. Link's nickname was 'Mr. Mud headed, No- Fairy'.

At that moment, Mido was also the final object that broke the Biggoron sword. Link snapped, Saria could tell because his eye started twitching.

"That's it! I am NOT a mud head!" Link screamed as he ran out the door, knocking over Mido, and barged past the Kokiri guarding the opening to the outside world.

"Wait! You can't go out there," the Kokiri shouted. "You'll..." It was too late. Link was already half way to Hyrule Castle Town.

He was on a mission. He was going to find something that would change his hair color. But as soon as he ran into town, he realized one thing.

"I don't know where to get that kind of stuff..." With his mouth hanging slightly open Link wandered around the town looking for a shop that sold hair products. After hours, Link still couldn't find a shop.

"Agh! They've got weapon shops, game corners, and even some guy who sells bombs to ten-year-olds but nothing that sells hair products!" Link was pounding his head on the nearby brick wall when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Yo. Kid. I know where you can get hair dye," Link stopped banging his head and looked up. Standing behind him was the strange person Link had ever seen in his life. It was an older looking boy that had blond, red, black, green, and blue spiked hair and had black triangles painted under his orange eyes.

"Umm... you do?" Link wasn't too sure if he should trust this guy or not. Of course, no one had ever told him not to even think about trusting strangers because no one in the Kokiri forest thought that anyone would (or could) ever leave to meet any.

"Yeah..." The boy said while nodding his head slowly. Link noticed that the boy wasn't looking at him.

"Where?" The strange boy smiled and pulled something out of his cloak.

"Right here," He handed Link a bottle, then turned and walked off.

" 'Blonde Hair Coloring for Mud Heads'" said Link reading off the bottle. "That's oddly specific. Thanks!" Link called after the boy.

The boy shrugged and called over his shoulder, "No problem kid. You might want to get some pants though,"

Link smiled as he watched the boy disappear into the crowd of people. At that moment, the boy's last remark finally clicked in his head.

"Hey, wait a minute! I am too wearing pants!" Link yelled, making him receive strange looks from random bystanders. Link cringed and, while laughing nervously, ran back to the Kokiri forest to see if the stuff the boy had given him actually worked.

TO BE CONTNIUED...

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Black Triforce: (watching Blue's Clues with little brother) Ha! Yes, let's put the cow in the cup and suck it up through the straw! Ha! (notices readers) Oh... Umm... How was the chapter? I was going to make the origin of Link's blondeness one chapter but I decided that it would be better to make it two. So... if you want to even post the net chapter you need to... REVIEW! REVIEW LIKE THE WIND READERS!!!


	3. Origins: What's up with his hair?

Black Triforce: (skimming through the reviews) Interesting. Someone thought that Link would really be a red head a somehow be related to Ganondork... Hmm... What WOULD Zelda think about this? (keeps skimming) Of course I'm going to post this chapter! Really...

Disclaimer: Nope I still don't own anything. DUH!

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Link was sitting in his house in front of his mirror with the bottle the boy had given him sitting on the table. After a few minutes of mental preparation, he was ready to dye his hair, or kill himself later for not trying.

"First..." Link's eyes skimmed the instructions. "Blah, blah, blah. I'm sure I can figure this out on my own!" He then unscrewed the cap to the bottle and proceeded to dump the contents on his head.

"Wait one...hour to dry?! I can't wait one hour!!!" Link yelled as he read the very last print of the instructions. Link sat for a few minutes trying to think of a way to make to dye dry faster. An idea finally popped and a silly grin came across his face. Link jumped up on the chair and started to shake his head like a wet dog. It made his hair dry faster and painted the inside of his house a lovely barf color.

A few moments later a grinning Link examined his hair in the mirror. His hair was now a bleached, almost white, blonde. It was not exactly the color he was expecting.

"At least I'm not a mud head any more!" Link laughed, glad to be rid of the annoying hair color. Saria then, quite randomly I might add, popped in. Soon, a confused look was planted on her face.

"Umm, Link? Why is your hair... blue?" Now it was Link's turn to get a confused look.

"Blue? What are you talking about?" Saria's eyes got wide.

"Scratch that Link, your hair is now... black," Link cocked his head to one side and then turned around and gasped. His hair was now black with blue tips. Link's eye began to twitch.

"Link? Are you okay?" Link turned around slowly, grabbed his cloak, put it on and walked out the door.

"Link?! Where are you going?"

"Oh, nowhere. I'm just going to go find THE FREAK WHO GAVE ME THIS STUFF!" Link screamed as he took off running and, once again, headed towards Hyrule Castle Town.

"When I find him he is SO dead!" Link muttered as his hair turned to a puke green. He stomped into town and asked every single person if they had seen the strange boy. No one, of course had ever heard of him, much less had ever seen him.

"ARRGG! Where is he!?!?!?" Link was not the only person to scream this. A young Princess Zelda was also screaming. She needed someone to boss around or she would start to destroy Hyrule. Thankfully, the person she was waiting for finally walked in with his finger in his ear.

"Geez, can you yell any louder? I'm right here," said the older boy as he inspected the earwax now sitting on his finger. It happened to be the same one who had given Link the dye and he would also happen to be the guard who would later block the gate to Hyrule castle.

"What took you so long?!" an annoyed Zelda screeched.

"Nothing serious. I just ran into a weird looking mud head looking for hair dye. I gave him so and told him to get some pants. See, nothing life threatening." He stated, knowing that Zelda couldn't care less if he dropped dead where he was standing from basil poisoning.

"Wait, you said he wasn't wearing pants?" Phoenix (A/N: Yep, that's his name.) nodded as he wiped his earwax on the nearby wall. "Was he wearing green?" He once again nodded.

The people in Zelda's head finally flipped the switch, and Zelda realized one important fact.

"The future Hero of Time is a...a... BRUNETTE?!?" shrieked a disturbed Zelda. "Are you kidding me Phoenix?"

"Wait... the future Hero of..." Before he could finish his question, the door was busted down. After the dust cleared, a hooded figure saw standing in the doorway.

"You," The figure said, pointing at Phoenix. "Did you think it's funny to give screwed up hair products to desperate kids? Huh? Do ya?"

The older boy had not fully been paying attention. "Umm, who are you again?"

Zelda saw the hooded figure twitch slightly.

"Who am I?" The figure ripped off his hood, Zelda screamed and Phoenix blinked.

"I'm the kid you gave the hair dye to!" The figure was none other than Link who was now sporting a bright pink 'due. Link suddenly got teary eyed.

"This isn't funny!" Link sniffled. "At all!"

"Oh! I remember you! I was going to find you and tell you that I accidentally gave you the wrong dye, but you ran off too fast." Phoenix pulled out a bottle. "This is the real stuff. You got my special alternating-color dye. I guess I labeled them wrong."

Meanwhile, Zelda's brain was not connecting everything.

"Wait, so you're saying that he's a brunette and you gave him dye, but it was the wrong stuff and..."

'GAH! No one must no about this!' Link panicked inside in his head. He pulled out a bomb, lit it, and ran off.

"Sucks to be you!" He screamed as a section of Hyrule castle caved in. Pieces of stone fell on the two left inside causing them to forget the last few days. Link's secret was safe...

OR WAS IT???

And does the stuff even work?

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Black Triforce: Wow. Longest chapter yet.

Phoenix: (sobbing) You told them my name!

Black Triforce: (rolls eyes) Yes I but know bu...

Phoenix: (still sobbing) WHY?!?!

Black Triforce: Grr... SHUT UP! (hits Phoenix with a heavy book) There. Now that's he unconscious, time for you peoples to review! Come on, I don't got all day, night...morning, when ever you're reading this.


	4. Origins: Please work, please work, pleas...

Black Triforce: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Most of my humor stories have gotten delete so all of the humor in me kind of... left for a while. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

Disclaimer: No, you stupid people! I don't own anything. None of us do.

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Link was back in front of his mirror. After, of course, getting the other dye out of his hair and scrapping it of the walls of his house. Now he sat with his fingers crossed.

"Please work, please work, please work..." Link dumped the bottle on his head. He was going to dry it faster but decided against it when he remembered the last time he did that. So he grabbed a magazine (not to read just to look at the pictures) that Saria had left and waited. And waited, and waited, and waited, and waited until...

"Finally! It's dry!" Link laughed happily. "But did it work... Hey Saria! Come here!" Saria of course had popped in when she heard Link laughing. "What?"

"What color is my hair?"

"Umm... a yellow color. What's it called..."

"Blonde." Link sighed as he rolled his eyes. "Good! Now, could you come outside for a sec?" Link asked. Saria nodded slowly. "Yeeaahhh, why?"

Link smirked as he walked outside. "You'll see..." Saria shrugged and followed him out.

"Saria, now that you know my secret I'll have to ask you not to tell anyone," Saria nodded. "I know, I promise I won't tell anyone."

Link shook his head sadly. "Unfortunately, I can't take the chance of you spilling so..." Link shoved Saria off the ledge as he screamed. "Sucks to be you!"

Saria landed on her head, causing her to forget the past few days. Link hopped down off the ledge and walked towards Saria's unconscious body. "Oops. Did I do that?" Link turned and walked off laughing.

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Black Triforce: This is NOT the last chapter. That means you have one more to read. (yawns) To tired to tell you what else to do. You already know anyway. So... go do... (falls asleep where sitting)

Yami: (rolls eyes) Remember, ONE more chappie.


	5. MUFFINALE! Okay not really,

Black Triforce: (gasps) That dancing Blue doll is doing the Mario! (notices readers) Uhh… Once again, I'm sorry for not updating in forever. I've been trying to start a serious fic about Dark Link so my mind kind of shut off for a while. Anywho, here's the new chapter.

Disclaimer: I still don't own the Legend of Zelda. But I do own this bag of MM's that's sitting in my lap.

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"And that's how it happened," Link finished as he stood nodding thoughtfully. Ganondorf however was sitting with his mouth wide open.

"That stuff made you heartless! How can you kill your friend like that? You're worse than me."

Link smacked his head and sighed. "Number one, I didn't kill her, I just pushed her off and she accidentally landed on her head." He paused to remember all of the details. "And… bruised her brain and got a concussion. But the good thing about the concussion was that she didn't remember how much it hurt." (A/N: Trust me on that one…) Link paused again to let Ganondorf take in the information.

"Number Two, I'm couldn't possible be worse than you after you've killed the Great Deku Tree, froze Zora's Domain, brought that dragon back to life so that it could eat the Gorons, let that shadow thing out of the well, AND made all of your castle's doors to short. But that probably explains why you're sitting here listening to me instead of killing me…"

Ganondorf nodded as the last statement made him remember to fire whoever designed his castle. "I guess your right, time for me to explode into little beams of light!"

"Wait, wha…" Our hero was cut off though because the castle started to collapse.

"Aw crap…" Link muttered. That happened to be the same phrase he said when a Like-Like ate his first shield. Of course, Link thought it was an angry stack of pancakes hell-bent on suffocating the life out of him. But that's a different story for another time. Link ran to the nearest exit while on the way grabbing the gawking Zelda and pulling her through the door.

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Black Triforce: (hopping in circles) Sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar…

Yami: (rolls eyes) BT calm down.

Black Triforce: (doesn't)

Yami: Grr… (yells) Sis?! Take of the readers, I have to take care of BT. (pulls out tranquilizer gun) GET BACK HERE! (runs off)

Namida (yami's sis): Hi. BT would say that it's time to review but she's… busy at the moment. So review already. Please, it would make BT very happy.


	6. Aw crap

Black Triforce: It's 3 A.M., I've got nothing to do, and decided to type this next chapter for you! So here's your gift to read today or tomorrow, akemashite omedetou kono yaro! (sighs) Sorry for the lame rhyme but I'm really bored. Oh yeah, that last part was Japanese so if you want to know what it means… go look it up! Anywho, time to answer some reviews.

kelseymm09- Stupid little comments? What's that supposed to mean?

Lauren Oceon- Umm… yes, my hair color is blonde. Why did you want to know? And I'm trying to make my chapters longer.

seifzellsquall- No, Link is locked in my bathroom with my cat who is enjoying nibbling on the elf's ears.

Ack! Sorry for the long note, on to the chapter!!! Oh yeah, I edited the last part of chapter 5. Go read it!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but I do think I have the right to do a happy dance like the people during the credits in Ocarina of Time. (does happy dance)

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Link zoomed down the stairways of the crumbling castle. On more than one occasion, Link had to stop and wait for Zelda to open the locked doors. She opened them very slowly though, obviously not caring that he was being pummeled by burning rocks as she took their slowly shrinking escape time. Also, Link stood at a door for a full 5 seconds before realizing that Zelda wasn't behind him. He groaned and ran back up the stairs only to find Zelda cowering because a rock had fallen in front of her.

"Zelda you loser, come on! It's just a stupid rock!" Link yelled as he dragged back to the door. "Now open it!" he screamed as she, once again, took her time. Not only the pair finally got out of the tower, after Zelda getting stuck in some fire and Link screaming like a little girl and running from a ReDead, they had also gotten out alive and without killing each other.

"So… what you're telling me is… you're not blonde, right?" Link had just finished explaining his hair color issue to a still freaked-out Zelda. "And that you caused that cave in at the castle seven years ago?" Link nodded.

"Okay then, when this is over, remind me to kill you." Zelda stated flatly. Link sighed. This was the kind of thanks he got for saving a princess's butt from an evil psycho who forced her to play endless games of ping-pong before he had gotten there.

Suddenly, a piece of the rumble of the tower moved slightly. Zelda frowned. "What was that noise?" Link also frowned and went to go see what it was. Halfway there the hero turned around.

"Aren't you coming Zelda?"

"Are you nuts? The thing could kill me! Good luck though,"

Link rolled his eyes and approached the rumble when out of nowhere a giant blue pig jumped out from under it! The monster was actually only two heads taller than Link. The cut-scene had just made him seem much, much bigger. The pig roared and knocked the Master Sword out of the hero's hand. The sword flew and happened to land right next to Zelda.

Link saw this and yelled, "Zelda, throw me my sword back!" Zelda only stood there with a concerned look on her face that made Link decide that she must have ignored him. Our hero then went with Plan B.

"Please don't kill me!" Link sobbed. It, of course, didn't work and Ganon instantly hit him and our hero's world went black.

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Black Triforce: Sorry I ended it there but the next chapter is coming very, very, very, very, very soon. Like in about five minutes so… review!!!!! Thankies.


	7. The real ending!

Black Triforce: I'm writing this at four in the morning so feel special!

Disclaimer: No! I own nothing!!!!!!!

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Link woke up floating in a dark void.

"Ugh, where am I? And why does my head hurt?" Link said groggily as he rubbed the spot where Ganon had hit him.

"You're floating in a random dark void and you where hit by a giant blue pig named Ganon." A small voice was coming from a glowing pink ball. Link squinted and made out the shape of a boy with wings. The boy had green hair and was wearing brown pants and a tunic.

"Who are you? And…" Link glanced at the boy's tunic. "Why is your tunic pink?"

"I am Neji and you should never wash your white clothes with your younger sister's baby blanket." The fairy explained. Link made a small 'o' with his mouth.

"I'm here to bring you back to life so you can go fight Ganon again without, hopefully, messing up."

Link shook his head. "And how am I supposed to do that? I lost my sword, Zelda is obliviously useless, and if you haven't noticed Ganon is big." Link noticed the fairy was using his finger to clean his ear. "And are you even listening to me?"

Neji inspected the earwax now sitting on his finger. "Yes I'm listening, and do you have to ask so many question? It's very irritating."

Our hero was about to pull his hair out and throttle the little fairy. "I wouldn't have to ask so many questions if you would just help me!" He was on the edge of insanity. Neji however, casually flicked the earwax off his finger.

"In the words of Sun-Tzu, _If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him._" He noticed a confused look on Link's face. "In other words bug him so much that he'll make stupid mistakes and you can kick his butt easier. Understand ye of little brain capacity?"

Link nodded. "Yep, got it. Stupid mistakes caused by irritation."

Neji smirked. "Good. Time to go back to your body now,"

Link woke up like Ganon had just hit him a few seconds ago. The blue pig was laughing triumphantly. Link got up and yelled, "Hey fatso, down here!" Ganon turned around and found Link sticking his tongue out and making other rude gestures at him much like the French in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

The monster roared and tried to stomp on our hero but missed horribly and landed on a piece of rumble that instantly was lodged in his foot. Ganon roared again as he hopped around on one foot while desperately trying to get the piece of rumble out. Using this time, Link quickly made a trip wire using the methods he had found in a Shekiah training manual. The foolish Ganon tripped over it and landed on his conveniently placed sword. The sword pierced through the monster's stomach leaving much blood everywhere.

Link, who was smiling like a homicidal madman, stood on top of Ganon, laughed, dropped his leggings, and, dare I say it, let a big one rip in Ganon face. Needless to say, it finished Ganon off just like it would anything else.

Link regained his decency and retrieved his sword and then walked over to Princess Zelda who had been vomiting in a nearby bush. "Well, at least that's over with,' Link said laughingly.

"Ugh, Link if you ever do that again, I swear I will kill you with my bare hands." Zelda replied flatly still feeling rather sick. "Now just give that blasted ocarina so I can warp you back to the right time. And while you're there, try looking for some pants…"

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Black Triforce: It's finally done! Yay!

Yami: You do know that now you have to work on the new one right?

Black Triforce: (frowns) Must you spoil everything? Anyway, time for all of the good little readers to review! As a bonus, if anyone can guess what I'm probably going to do the next one about, gets… something. So hurry and review so I can get some sleep! It's almost 4:30 A.M.! I'm tired!!!!


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